Social norms. What are they now and how is it different from years ago?

     

 In my mid-30s, I have long gone from my childhood and those "carefree" stages in my life... Since I have been in the working society for about 15 years, I have already lost touch with the younger generations. What's their trends, lingos they used, the common ideologies & etc? - I have no idea at all.

I attended Soka's commemorative meeting (5.3) which only involves leaders as my culture group was given the opportunity to perform at the start of the meeting. I was kind of surprised with the sharing from one of the youth division leaders that members approaching them were facing challenging with social norms. In my era, I don't recall my friends or classmates around me showing signs of that. I am aware I have friends who were really shy, but they still mingle around and have their own clique of friends. Hmm, how backward is our society that making the younger ones felt so insecure? Or is it they are not given enough useful resources to help them to navigate? What are the parents' beliefs now when they educate their children? I feel kind of sorry to the younger generation who are feeling it at this moment, cause I was leading a happy childhood in my days... and it should be the same for them too! My family is not well to do, the only expensive item we purchased was a laptop when my elder sister has to have one when she started poly. Despite our financial limitation, it did not stopped us from doing what we wanted to. I just did and hardly has to consider what others may think of me, cause I can justify my own actions. 

This morning I came across this article about a teenager in Korea was killed in a random attacker by a 24 years old suspect. The investigation ruled that both were strangers. Why? Why is this happening so frequently these days... It reminded me of the meeting I attended, and I felt that the struggle from the youngsters is real and is happening now. I am not an extrovert, I also very shy with people who I rarely interact with. And even people who I knew, sometimes I tend to choose to avoid them from engaging in an conversation. But I am fortunate because I do not think that social norms is affecting my daily activities. Is there something that we or I can do to help? It's something I would really think about it.




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Don’t know what to do.

     

 The reason why I never shared our tiff with the rest was because, no.1, will put them into difficult position since we both are friends to them, no.2, I feel that they going to give you more leniency cause brothers usually side their brothers regardless the facts, no.3, I don’t want to rant to others because they were not in our situation and taking in their words may mislead me and jumping into false conclusion that may actually backfired our relationship. So… I thought that the only best place to do so is by blogging.

Today I’m feel sad, then upset. I was feeling hungry and I made it known to you, but you seem to still wanted to sleep in more. So I went to freshen up myself first, tried to relief my bowel and refill more water… I tried to wake you up but was afraid that I make you cranky, so I ended up asking you if you really not eating? Then poke you and sweep your hair… but you wouldn’t budged. I remember you saying you will be sad when you woke up to see me not around, so I stayed on abit longer… it’s already 1+, and I was hungry. I don’t know why when I’m leaving your room, I feel my nose sour… ‘I thought I told you before I need my meal and you always take your time to grab a bite with me?’ 

On the way out, I kept looking back, hoping you could realised soon enough that I had gone out. At first, I was thinking should I buy back food for you. When the time ticked away, my phone was still silence. Anyway, it was me who was hungry in the first place. I doubt you need any food. I don’t think you remember what I texted you that I need to be home early so I could practice? So ended up, I decided to go back home after lunch. 

I don’t know what to react when you said that it’s not about you don’t care if I’m hungry cause you literally KOed. If you care, will you really KOed? I find it pointless to respond to your reply, like you have already explained to me. I said I don’t want to talk anymore, and you just went ok. That’s it. And no more attention. Now, I really don’t know the reason why I’m upset with you. 

I’m kind of tired… I decided to just not think at all, just grabbed my stuff from you and I just go back practice again. Then you told me you were sick. I don’t know why I have this feeling you taking advantage of the situation. Cause I tend to easily disregards everything when you were sick. I just be objective, grabbed from you from your lift instead as I don’t think I can ask about your mum when I’m upset. You insisted to send me back when I said it’s not necessary, you weren’t so obedient when I texted you earlier when I said I don’t wish to talk anymore. 

Maybe I being harsh on you when you were sick. But I find that my kindness was taken advantage of… I cannot just let it go. I don’t know if you know what you sorry for… but not just apologise will make something go away each time. Perhaps you tell me what I should do? If you were me, what you want me to do? If reasonable I will follow exactly what you want me to do. Telling you don’t helped at all.

I don’t know what to do any more…

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I don't know how to move passed it this time.

     

 I guess you didn't read the message I have asked you to do so... You said you KO-ed after 5mins of nua-ing... And you usually took at most an hour or so to reply... But it contradicted with your action, my last message was close at 11pm and you only replied me the next day at 2pm+. 

Then you explained that your phone didn't prompt any notification when my message came in despite all the alerts you have switched them on... It gave me the impression that technology failed me and not you. 

I meant that if I don’t receive any notifications for some time, I will open the chat to check if I missed your last message. Not only when I receive a notification.

When I send you a message, I do expect a reply. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have sent it in the first place—it’s not like I’m just leaving a note for you to read. So when you said I shouldn’t expect a response, it confused and hurt me. It made me wonder if I misunderstood all the times you messaged me before—did you not expect replies from me either? - Maybe I’m also reflecting on myself… I know in the past I have ignored you multiple times, and I’m sorry for that.

What really affected me was your reaction. I know you may feel annoyed that I’m bringing up past things, but when the same situation happens again, I don’t know what else to do. You told me not to bottle things up, but when I express how I feel, it seems to upset you too.

Waiting for replies actually affects me more than you might realise. It makes me anxious and overthink. That’s why I’ve been trying to adjust myself—like replying at fixed times so I don’t keep anticipating your messages. But honestly, it’s not easy. Cause it's so tempting to reply you the moment I received your message. If I do so, so the past training of holding back will come to a naught. 

I don’t think I have asked for much. The one thing I really wanted was to feel that I have your attention when we are apart. When that doesn’t happen, I can’t help but feel hurt and a bit委屈, even if you think I shouldn’t feel that way.

At this point, I also feel a bit lost. It seems like we both have our own perspectives, and I’m struggling to get you to understand mine. 

I realised at certain point, it's meaningless to continue argue... Cause you already made your points, I cannot show you my point of view. So I ended up of being quiet.



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Another date is coming up! Wee!

     

I'm looking forward to 2 Apr and yet quite anxious that plan will fall through... Hope everything is fine and not alot of people please... Cause it's a public holiday the next day. >.<

 All the best to myself! *Determined*

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