Showing posts with label Sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sad. Show all posts

Using a painful experience to encourage someone is not easy.

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Hmm... Looking through my blog, and I realised I was so much skinner in 2010...
(Picture of me, 2010)
Maybe last time still much more active in life, didn't manage to gain weight... 

But then.. I don't look skinny below which was taken in 2008! Lol.
(In RP, first year: 2008)
(Picture of me, 2010)
My smile lines were so deep! I look so pathetically skinny.. 

But I'm skinny during that time might be because I busy crying every night.. Have no idea, on this rainy night, at this particular time (1.17am) I suddenly thought of the magic numbers: 2010.. This number I will never forget... The number that caused 3 loss in my entire life that I have ever encountered.
(Picture of me, 2010)
Perhaps the misery could really make me lost weight. Will never forget how tough it was to really force down all my tears each night without making any noise.. Texting my IICs and huimin to send me words of encouragement... Each night was so hard to bear, but I made it through now..

I think until now, when I still talked to my mum about my comrade.. Tears were brimming in my eyes, but I never failed to use him as a role model to encourage my mum... Because she somehow 'connected' to my comrade from the time when my mum attended his ritual.. She cried too, despite that was her first time meeting him.. (I must have repeated this story before, sorry for the grandmother story!)
(Picture of me, 2010)
Out of my senior and my big Aunty.. He really is a big enlightenment to me. And really feel the pain of leaving this place with regrets, the shameful me who never helped to fulfil his wish.. If only I can put in more effort, I maybe able to do so. What a lousy friend I am.

Do you know, because of you.. I found some direction in my studies? I'm taking a degree course, it was extremely tough to cope with work and studies!! I always missed my deadlines for quiz! The most fortunate incident was my assignment deadlines.. It got extended TWICE! It's all the good fortune I believe! 
(Picture of me, 2010)
By now, you shouldn't even know my presence... Sigh sigh... I realised that I have never ever had a face to face chat with my friends with my personal stuff. Lol. Maybe they can't even bothered about me, since I always laugh laugh only.. Even I headache, also laugh only.. Who will know what I can be facing behind that laughing mask.

Comrade, you still owe me bread talk lor. Eh, I really don't know why I still cannot be more open hearted.. 3 years!! Aiyo, I got so stubborn not...
(Present!! My face looks rounder!)
I have no idea who should I talk to.. So here I am again. Even if I talked to any of them, I'm quite sure they only reply very briefly. They do not understand it. Hmm, maybe because of this I rather find no one to talk to unless I really need a person to talk to?

Why people lives can be so short, why some so long? What about mine? Coming soon or like another donkey years? 

Really damn regretful not visiting you earlier, dont know what my brain was doing.. Why so obedient to listen IIC's word not to disturb you.. Why???? Why I can't see you the last time when it's just a day away?? Why it made me feel so near yet so far?? So sorry comrade, I'm seriously very regretful till now.

Continue to hear from me.. Receive all the dmk I have chanted for you! Good night, my courageous comrade.
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When your contribution is being recognised. We know.

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240413: One of my all time actors which accompanied me through my childhood [Huang Wen Yong] 

 So sad, Huang Wen Yong passed away with cancer last Saturday when I was having my NDP training.. When my strait time apps notified me about the news, I was so shocked. It's barely a year since we saw his difference in last year's star award. And now, he has left for the better world. Though we dont know each other, but at least I know him. An old time favourite actor which I always catch on TV since young.. Sighs. But now, he's gone.
Look at the crowd! I felt he was respected by his fellow colleagues.. They even carried his coffin till the last moment. In fact, he was such a nice person who deserve it!
After watching his news on TV, I think he's a successor in his life! So many people and his 'fans' attended his funeral, bid their last goodbye to him. All his colleagues and staff clapped for him when the van was touring the mediacorp for the last round. You have earned our respects. I hope you are placed in a better place! I will miss your acting! Sobs.
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An attitude of compassion does not mean looking down on someone, pitying them in their misery. Compassion is based on respect. We discuss life as equals, learn from each other and strive together to improve our lives.

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Do you still remember the Navy NS, Jason Chee who met an unfortunate event in the early December? He lost his both legs and an arm (not a full arm with 5 fingers) during the accident, adding on to his misery.. His mum has only recently passed away before he was got caught in the gigantic winch. 

Any why am I blogging this now? Because it's about a few days ago I realised that he was staying in my CC's area, which means he considered as my CC's resident. And now, one of my RCs (Shunfu RC) has started to collect donations from the public, my colleague together with his RC manager were quite overwhelmed with all our passionate public who wish to give a helping hand to Jason. I didnt know how 'overwhelming' it was, when Mr Chia (RC manager) came to our CC and told us. And I knew it today... IT WAS FREAKY LOTS OF THEM!!! Just the cheque alone, we have received 700+ pieces! More to come when the postman delivered a stack of letters this evening. I didnt know it until my colleague called me over to the RC to help key in the cheques into a data. Just like what hazel said, I think it's enough to do 'lucky draw'.

Really wanted to take a photo, but I think it's not nice because all these goes to Jason, even if I want to take a photo I should ask permission from him as well. But from the amount I saw on the cheque when I was keying in... I really feel very touched, the highest amount can go up to $25,000! It's even more heart warming when I saw small pieces of note attached to the cheques, cheering for Jason and to really pick himself up! It's like they are STRANGERS! And they are still showing concern to him! I think this is something that should be praised lor! Will never forget one of the messages, "A small token to help you, from your fellow singaporean." And I flipped over to see the amount... $10,000!! WTH!!! "small" token leh! BUT! BUT! The thoughts & sincerity that cannot be measured. Yup!

Come to think of it... Though we may think... "Oh, he received many donation!! Good enough for him and his father's living expenses!" But, to him.. will he thinks the same? What he will think? Perhaps he may think, "No matter how much I received, or even a few millions.. it can never help me to get back what I have lost." True too.. What will you do if it's you? If you are the one who lost almost all the important joints?

But just want to say, Singapore is watching you! They want to help you! They are concern about you! But their help is limited, and what they can to help is by donating.. Really hope he and his father can really overcome this obstacle! It's really their beginning of this rough ride, cannot give up! Read all the messages from the public! All the fellow singaporeans are putting their efforts to help you move on, JIAYOU!

The compassionate fellow singaporeans... GOOD JOB! ^^

Anyway, for those who want to donate as well.. Please do it in cheque and make it payable to:
JASON CHEE WENG FAI
You can mail it to Shunfu RC:
Thomson Shunfu RC
Blk 313 Shunfu Road
#01-273
S(570313)
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I need a listening ear. :( Will you?

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A non-stop period of working for 8 months continuously really strained me out, I really started to feel very restless especially today! I really stoned for a few hours infront of my screen in the early morning, did some leg massage and back to office to stone... After lunch, my colleague and I decided to go play wii.. OMG.. Even if I'm playing wii, I feel like a nut with only the shell. My heart was not even there. -.-


Inspired by Joseph, hee! Manage alone with something bigger than what you can handle.
I forced myself to work at around 2.45pm.. At least I managed to do something.. Sigh. My 'battery' is running low. I need to replenish myself!!! 


Though, almost 90% of my events for this month has ending.. However, there are still admin stuff to do in order to 'close the case'. OMG. Sighs, I hope to be able to breathe from mid of August. -.- 


Tomorrow working again. :( So sad-ed. No motivation.. I just want to vent it out. I seriously VERY TIRED and EXHAUSTED!!! Hais... Self motivation ba.. JIAYOU!
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When it reach its limit.

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231111: 
[Dear blogger,
You are once again be with me when I need a listening ear, you are always there to hear me out! I'm really glad to have you around with me for sooooooooooo long... But if only you could be modify in a way that you could react or even reply me with the simplest comfort, "cheer up, it isnt over. Pick yourself up again!" I think, I rather to have just you.] 
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Had a emotional breakdown this afternoon after I finished with my check up... At first, it started when the doctor commented on my knee, he said my cartilage having inflammation. Without me pointing where it used to hurt, he can show it to me. I'm amazed! 


He explained to me normally with this symptom is simply because the person has do too much exercise like jogging, or too much weight exert my knee (cause he asked me if I used to be very fat in the past) and even asked me to take off my slipper to see if I have flat foot.. 

Now... I'm back to the same point again. I am not a regular jogger or any sportsman... I just dont understand... The doctor also point out that my regular giddiness is also due to my low blood pressure.. 

After he told me all these, I was depressed over it. I thought deeply in mind... What's wrong with me. Thinking what have I done in the past to deserve this, what I should do to prevent it from worsening, or should I stop all sort of nonsense as well? I dont know.

I headed home for dinner right after my check up, the weather was still raining heavily.. Really, really describe how my heart felt.. to be so heavy that I could not cheer it up. In the bus looking out of the window and really wondered, WHY.

Then a grandma and a grand daughter boarded the bus, the grand daughter has a school mate with her. The 3 of them alighted at the same stop, the grandma was the first to alight. She opened the umbrella and only sheltered her grand daughter.. How much I envy at the sight of it... But unfortunately, I was the little girl. I was puzzled when I felt like crying so much, but I really fighting back with my tears. I tell myself it cant fell like the rain it was then...

Back to the thought of myself, I have question like: "Couldnt I born in a normal way like those other normal people?", "Why must it be me?" and I'm so frustrated with myself too. Tsk.

Finally when I reached home, I really wanted to pour all of it out. I did. But I cant stopped. A slight confusion on which I cant broad with it... Myself? Or the care from a close kins? But one thing for sure, I just want to cry it out.

Finished my dinner and I decided to refresh myself before heading out for training... Went over to meet the two monsters... When one of the monsters was pushing me and trying to play around with me.. I felt so much like tear-ing again. I bite my lip and swallow it back, I used my favourite ice cream to make it feel better...

Wanted to share it out, but there surely something.. ANYTHING that stopped me... Or interrupted by more interesting conversation. I was being covered up again. Is like when I want to open my mouth to start, but something pushed a bun into my mouth. Swear to myself not to breathe a word about it. Never. "No one is going to listen, yueming. Dont bother." That was the best advice I decided to follow.

Perhaps I was feeling low, every single thing I'm easily affected. I felt I was invisible, I could still remember saying, "If booking of ticket will cost $10 each." 4 times.. But no one hears. I purposely did it for the 4th time, to reassure that no one is paying attention to me. True enough.

I know you all have started asking me what happened to me when we were on the way home.. Wanted to tell you all that I have already swear to myself that I not going to share it anymore. So I keep my mum. 

It's always time like that I cant make myself to rely on you all... I couldnt find the most stable pillar... ALWAYS, always wanted to tell my mum how I felt about myself.. but I'm sure it only worries her. So I decided to talk to you, blogger. You are always the best to me... Especially those times when I facing some lost people I had in my life... You are really the only one I can turn to. I dare to cry infront of. 

Look for other sources of help and comfort, hope they come in tomorrow morning or afternoon! Must reply me wor!

I felt much better now... Thank you blogger!! Aiming to end this by 1am! But it already 22mins passed that timing!!! 

I will chant for wisdom to help me decide on continuing or not.


Good nights.
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A dreadful day. A delightful day?

        
Dont know why. I have no courage to continue...
Random sight when I passed shuhui back her card:
Carefree cat who sunbathing OPENLY on a table shiol~
Nightmare came back when I rejected it about a month ago, and today was the PAY BACK TIME! Yea, I being a very good mummy's girl who went to TTSH for check up. -.- It's awfully scary as it was my first check up at TTSH, when my '娘家' supposed to be at KKH.

Everything seems fine, the doctor is... TOO YOUNG!!! Like just finished his enlistment!! BOTAK! HAHA! He's totally a ABC! Almost asked me the same question: "Do you do heavy exercise?" Last warning liao hor!! NO! NO! NO! -.-

He checked both of my knees... By bending, stretching, pressing, measuring.. pulling.. all sort of stunts.. and he concluded, "It seems alright, just that your right knee abit loose." -.- Walau, what is this.. I obeyed my mum and suggest to the doctor if I need to do blood test if I have arthritis problem.. Then ended up, I saw the list.. I have a total of 5 blood tests need to be done, which means more blood required. I didnt know so much, until I saw the 2 large tubes of juice beside me! :( I still wanted to tell the nurse that my hand feels numb when she was drawing my blood. :( :( Seriously, the feeling SUCKSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!! I HATE THE FEELING! DISGUSTING FEELINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!! HATE IT! HATE IT! HATE IT!

Though I managed to get my swimming costume, Baskin Robins ice cream and had a awesome dinner at home... I STILL CANT FORGET THE PRICK!! :( :(

Lastly: I HATED MY SISTER. TOTALLY.
I can do nothing, when I wanted to scream at her. But I shouldnt. I really tahan-ed very hard, will you just stop annoying me? Why she comes to disrupt my life! I already very pathetic, so you can help by not ka-jiao-ing me! THANK YOU! Last warning horrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

 And your phone died on me. :(
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It's time to change poison into MEDICINE!

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A message came just in time. 
But it's gone so fast that I could even grab it. 
However, I'm pleased at least I have the 'feel' of it.

Sighs. Went out for acupuncture with both my parents... :( Damn depressing leh!! I just sooooooo afraid of needles lor... It's the same doctor I visited previously.. My mum was the first to receive treatment, followed by my father then me.. After the doctor instructed her apprentices, they started a conversation among themselves and totally forgotten about me... At that point of time, I have the temptation of going to my mum who was lying on the bed, and tell her I make a move first.. TWICE!! or more than that!!! I really wanted to move my leg to tell her that.. This time round, the door was behind me.. was not in my sight.. Therefore, I didnt have the urgh to sprint to the door for escape.

But this time round, I told myself to endure as much as possible because my father was around in the same room!! The doctor poked 3 needles at the front of my knee, 1 needle at the back.. I really feel the pain lor, I kept complaining... Expected, my father lectured me. :( I ALSO NOT BOY!! I got phobia ma. :( So bad.

After the treatment, what's more depressing is when the doctor mentioned I so young then my health like a chui.  She suggests to me to do a blood test to see if I have rheumatoid arthritis.. This illness no cure leh. :( Only can help by improving... Dont know if I really have, but like 凶多吉少... Never did I thought that I will have situation of being diagnosed of having a no cure illness! HAHAHAHA! :( I think I need to find a corner to draw circle.. :( :( I still want to join chingay!!! I still want to go out running in the park!! :( :( Because of this, it has been a long time since I ran like mad!! :(

:( I damn it sad. Sigh, say I ok... or ^^... But.. Who knows... I think I very depressed... Being in the state I am now, I understand and fully understood-ed how a disabled person felt. Totally.. I already understand it half way when I was in a cast a few years back.. Now. Fully. Totally. Sighsssssss. :( I dont want to be in this state sia. I can roughly forsee how my life will be in another 5 or 10 years...

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A sigh of relief~

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So sad.. Tio ignored after the waiting... :(
Anyway...
I just saw the news!! HAHA! It said that there will be a flood hitting bangkok around the date of 17th!! So fortunate that we were back on the 12th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D I think it was not the first time, previously was the time when I had a study trip in Korea.. My mum always showed signs of relief whenever she thought about it, I cant remember what was the issue... But she told me that if I never come back earlier, I will be those foreigners who slept in the airport!! HAHA!

HEH! We of course will be alright!! Because we at least did our morning and evening gongyo for the first night at Bangkok! LOL!

I really need to change my phone liao!! My phone's battery is starting to die on meeeeeeeeeeee! Of course la.. Jitao FAILED to change my phone for TWO times!!! Who will be such a 'softies' or should I say STUPID to help both my sisters to use up their lines for the sake of... PEACE????? First case cannot totally blame my big sis... *still part of her fault* BUT! The 2nd time.. IT'S HER FAULTTTTTTTT!! Jitao a lose-win situation ok... Now come to think of it.. Jitao not very 划算. :( After TWICE bitten, QUADRI-time shy!! I'm so not going to let my heart sinks in again!!! HPMH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lastly,I love the slacking at home, but addicted to the giving of pocket money to my parents!!!!


Conclusion?
GET A HIGH SALARY JOB!! LOL! Eh.. Yea... THAT'S MY THINKING~~ WINKSSS!
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If only I was born without a heart.

        
ZOMG!
ZOMG!
ZOMG!!!!


This afternoon when I woke up, I havent touch my phone till 4pm++.. I have 2 missed calls and 2 messages.. One of them was 花痴 Tee's message.. Another one was.. from my COMRADE!!!!!! But it was sent from his father, as always.. HAHA..

If he replied also very weird! haha! I think it will be very shocking too.. After this event, it scarred everyone.. His parents must be still thinking of him, if not his phone line will already be cut off. Heh. Stubborn girl is so going to have a hard time for the first few months!!!! LOL..

어떻게?

It seems like I'm going to give myself up liao. TOTALLY NO MOOD TO STUDY FOR MY UPCOMING UT ON WEDNESDAY!!! 어떻게? 어떻게? 어떻게? 어떻게? Someone, bring me go one corner to cry please.. HAHA! *SCREAMS* Struggle, struggle.. I must buck up! I dont want to be so chui! haha! :(
[222]
You damn bad, happily at where you are while I am left here feeling apologetic towards you.
Hmm, I'm not blaming you or anyone who left me. It just something that me, myself has yet to overcome. And I feeling so upset for the past few nights, I cant help but to tear each time I misses each and everyone of you. Sighs.
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FORBIDDEN for: those who cried while watching korean drama.. not suitable for faint heart! haha! I WARNED YOU!

        
The time is 1.42am.. I saw a post on fb.. "it's going to be new year soon, but why am I feeling sad?"

Same thoughts, when the year of 2010 is coming to an end.. My heart kept falling and falling, sinking and sinking... As if it was an endless pit. :( Just one more day!! Perhaps less than 24hours, it will be 010111.. :( One year. The very first year I had a taste of.. "lost". :( Quite sad ah.. Wanted to have a listening ear, but then.. it seems I could find no one.. MSN jitao chui ... cause wait for that person to reply.. I can just go bang wall at least can knock myself out to stop random thoughts in my mind..

I also think I abit.. chui. Haha.. Whenever I wanted to say something out, I always hold back.. But most of the time is because I always get interrupted too!! ALWAYS DE!! The timing is damn ACCURATE!! I SWEAR! HAHA! So ya lor, I am not that fortunate when comes to finding a listening ear. And, even though there was friend who said can always turn back to them, but.. sometimes.. it just so hard to do it.. Dont know how to start, like randomly will become your anti climate.. SIGH.

I'm so dying to see all of them!!! ALL OF THEM ONCE MORE! Miss them so badly.. Chinese new year coming, my maternal side still going to celebrate despite 大阿姨 is gone. 每次想到少一个人疼我，我就很*心铁*...I wonder, how it will turn out. :( Everything always tend to cling to each other side by side, making me even harder to free myself. :( Each time I freed myself alittle, those naughty knots will tie me down again. Totally hate it, can I have other kind of problem rather to have this?? But everything still lies with me right? Why couldnt I get over with it? haha.. I stubborn? ...

Blogging is still the.. no, blogging is MY BEST WAY or BEST FRIEND! Jitao listen to me, without any complaints! Although it cant answer or reply me, but that's fine.. At least I could say whatever I wanted to say! I want to have a tear free year!!! Can I? Will I? Alright, 2.20am liao.. It's time to give myself a rest..

*nowadays random people like to talk to me! This time is my sister's sec sch classmate! haha! Jitao talking to big brother! I like! Mature thinking with no biased comments! NICE!*

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The more sad I am, the more happy I will be. "Just smile and wave."

        
Why is it me? WHY?
Why am I the one who faced so many loss?
Then why the other can regain what they lost quickly than me?
At least they still get back, why am I not the one?
I lost 3! 3! I didnt even get back one. It's so upset to see the contrast in this matter.
I know it isnt right for me to think that.
But I cant help it. I swear.

[112]

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HEALTHY FRIDAY!

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YO!

Badminton session with my coursemates + classmates!! :) Thanks to kc! He helped us to book courts! ha!

But kinshen, peter, ralph and friend, joel and huiyan were already there! DAMN HARD CORE! LOL! But is we slow la.. Cause we having horror movie~~ ^^ I appreciate this session!! I hope to watch more! :D But clashed with badminton session!!! [>.<]

So we left around 4pm... Yueming abit chui... dont know how to set up the net!! I tried!! But failed. kc everything he bao sia~~~ haha!!! Then for the first round, I didnt get to play badminton because not enough rackets... HAHA! So... aswandy and I started on our own table tennis session!! We used our notebook as our rackets!!! Pingpong ball just kope from the floor! LOL! WE STILL CAN PLAY TILL WE SWEAT! Then aswandy also very bastard, he purposely collected lots of balls, then he throws the ball while I was picking up another. -.- Yongji joined us too! He played better with his own hands than using the notebook! LOL! Then we also bastard yongji by making him run here and there! HAHA!

Then nice rachel lent me her racket! ^^ Played with yongji, kimyeow and others!!!!!!!!!! ^^ I played like siao though I felt so tired, like fainting soon, hand weak till I felt nothing but I still want to play!!!! Kept running around to get myself into one of the courts! And hor.. father! You damn lazy lor! Have you ever seen someone who can stand at the same spot without moving a single inch while playing badminton? Joel is a good example… -.- MOVE!!!

Then I joined in with Ralph dealing against peter and kinshen! They all damn funny lor! Very slack also! The best part is that the shuttlecock cannot be seen when it was being surfed. Totally cant see it fly behind me!! -.- Then kinshen and peter no team work! Their actions made me laughed like siao, is they either fighting to hit the shuttle or both ignore it! LOL!

Very sad, not much interaction! Never mingle around! LOL! But it’s ok! There’s always a next time! ^^ NO PICTURES!!! I THOUGHT TIANTIAN WILL BRING CAMERA… -.- Miscommunication. Ha!

Joel, huiyan, kinshen, peter, ralph went off earlier... And we stayed till 7plus! LOL! Played beyond 6pm! HAHA!

Last round with weikian and aswandy! Haha! played with them damn funny sia! Weikian hit the shuttle and it came flying to me, and I realised that the shuttle no ‘butt’!!! We laughed out LOUD!!! SPOILT LIAO! Damn sian, but both of them went to borrow a new shuttle from other people! Haha! then when they started to test it out, they kept wow-ing! LOL! Both aswandy and weikian used quack quack to play badminton.. -.- those who lose will tio quack quack…

I teamed up with kc, and we kept being quack quack by them.. till I cant stand it, I jitao run sia!!! I ran behind the black board, but they each was blocking the entrances at each side… jitao trapped!!! Quack-ed like siao…

Dinner with tiantian, gina, pearlyn, rachel, yongrong, yongji, aswandy, weikian, kc and kimyeow but john has to leave as he has something on... We were split into two... LOL! Sorry yongji.. Haha... I'm a emo piece of shit! HAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

train-ed home with yongji, yongrong and kc! And yongrong xiaojie forget to return rachel's racket!!! haha!

*Thank you aswandy xiaomei for your lollipop! LOL!

{hated myself.}

[71]
I dont know. I think I feeling out of place, that's why I missed you so much.
Everytime, each moment when I am feeling down, you are always the one who came into the picture.
I always have the temptation to tell the rest, how fortunate they are.
To have all their friends with them. Naturally, they tend to take things for granted.
It's not that they are no good, only certain of them.
I dont know how to say, maybe they are forgetful.
I dont know what im saying.
Forget all about it ba. I will take it as normal. I'm alone. Just nice to train myself: stand alone spirit.
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Thursday shiol~~~

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Where's courage? "It's in you." But I dont feel couraging at all. "Chant for it." Sighs. I no courage to do lots of thing. PMS sia~ How to forget one's sadness? Someone please teach me, the fastest method to forget about it.

Soapy lim's ugly side~~~ LOL!




That's all for today~ Flying off.



*** 8.28pm ***
Unspoken words

Forget to add on: to my beloved tummy..

Please get well by tomorrow ok? I promise you I will take that chinese medicine which is good for you... Just get well by tomorrow.. ^^ By hook or by crook... Or else..
YOU GOING TO GET IT FROM ME! U ASSHOLE! EVERY MONTH HAS TO GET IT FROM YOU! I GUESS IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GET IT FROM ME! ME! ME! Hpmh. TOMORROW HOR! 12hours for you! Tsk. I want to whacky whacky, dont spoil my day. TGIF, REMEMBER!!!!
Yueming is all alone again.
[70]
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PLEASE! LEAVE ME ALONE ASSHOLE!

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DOCTOR YESTERDAY IS A GRANDPA LIKE!!! And he is very old and FIERCE!!! [>.<]

"Stick out your tongue..."

"舌头不要歪歪."

WHAT THE HELL! :(

"No cold drink."

"Sleep early."

"No medicine for you, you still young."

Urgh, after all the scolding, the uncle start to poke the needles.. :( 5 needles this time round!!! I was still discussing with the uncle can dont poke so much anot... sadly, he just smiled... -.- then the last two needles almost killed me... :(

:( The first few minutes after the needles were penetrated into my knee, IT WAS THE MOST DISGUSTING, TOUGH AND EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW period in my ENTIRE LIFE!!!!!!!!!!! I hate this COMBO feeling I swear!!! It was so aching, painful and numb, I still can feel it now... Trying to distract myself by entertaining myself with itouch.. :( But it doesnt get any better... My leg was so tense, and I could hardly relax a single inch of my muscle lor.. :(

I DONT WANT TO GO BACK LE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I THINK JUST LEAVE IT BA... SUA SUA SUA!!!

[56]

I have so many things to tell you. But I dont know where to begin. Each time, each words, I just swallowed it back.

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No more tears please.

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*Special message for tiantian and pearlyn, for more... scroll down.*

Pearlyn say my blog is full of my xiao fei zhu... But seriously... MY XIAO FEI ZHU DAMN CUTE LORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! :( I miss his fats... and fur... so cute lor.. He still run damn fast!!! When I reached home today, I felt empty by just looking at the empty cage.. I almost go to the empty cage and say, "小肥肥!" like I always did... But I hold back, "I forgot, he's gone." Yueming is soooooo irritating!!! I kept showing gina and aswandy xiao fei zhu's picture!!! haha! Numerous times ba... But both of them very nice, never feel very disturbed by me!!! Especially when I shared my xiao fei zhu's stories with them! haha! From the picture, cant you see he was so fat that there was actually layers of fats!!! Then hor, see his fur!! GAO GAO SIA!!! HAHA! :( Miss him...

Anyway, today was such a "scandal" day sia!!! Pearlyn is so poor thing I swear la! You all who keep disturbing her, later she explode then you all know... HAHA! ^^ Weikian ah... come asshole me.. is you paranoid lor, I never say you when gina left the class... you see what... haha! then he joker of the day, especially when he entered the class, he jitao just come to our group!!! give readers a hint: my team has aswandy and gina! LOL! Weikian you say more, you will tio more karma! Then hor, dont know who still smile happily while msn sia~

Simon also another joker sia... during break, he very "environment friendly"... cause he helped tiantian and gina to finish up the food. Do you know wastage of food can affect the environment? Never mind, now you know! :)
WOOOOoOoO! HUIMIN BOUGHT ME YUPI GUMMY LUNCH! hotdogs la, burgers la, pizza la, fries... COKE ALSO SIA~~~ :) 谢谢你! ^^ I was puzzled when zara told me someone was looking for me, I didnt think it was you... Hee! I was a good girl doing ppt! Heh. HAPPY! CAUSE IT'S CANDIES!

Anyway... Yueming is addicted in looking through lyrics~ haha! WAHAHA!

Though some lyrics abit weird la.. But! Some is very meaningful that speaks your mind perfectly.. Hee... Dont you think so.. However, when you keep reading it... then all the feelings came to you... then... [>.<] hor hor... sian. haha! But I will like to present this SUPER JUNIOR - THANK YOU to those who really dote on YUEMING lots de!!! Helped me! cheer-ed me! :) I'm always feel so delighted when I received concerns from all of you! you! you! and YOU!!! ^^ Really lighten up my day... Be it a short term of being happy or not, at least I remembered it. :)


THANK YOU

For being my strength
When I was weary
And for always being by my side
I finally say this now
Thank you
And because of you
I’m happy
This is for you

Before my tears dry
They had to spill that day
You held my hand in the dark
Without a word, you watched over me
Thank you

You must have had a harder time than I did
You must
have worried more than I did
Because of you I was able to stand
It’s a
thankful heart
There was so much you wanted to give me
You struggled
with the fact that you couldn’t
Trust me, grab my hand
If with you
I feel like anything can be done, forever
Before my tears dry
They had to
spill that day
You held my hand in the dark
Without a word, you watched
over me
I won’t have a hard time anymore
Even if times get rough, I have
you
Without having to say a word
There’s someone like you who already
knows it all
I’m happy
~END~

TIANTIAN! PLEASE CHEER UP! I know you are pissed! But I believe if you do your part well, even though faci did not recognise it, but WE SEE YOUR EFFORTS! Slowly, slowly... Show faci's your TRUE COLOURS! :P Dont hold back when asking questions.. Cause.. YUEMING IS VERY JEALOUS OF THOSE WHO ASKED QUESTIONS.. cause yueming CMI! HAHA! JIAYOU!

PEARLYN! 打起精神来!!! Give you all my energy! 我挺你!!! LOL! You just let them say, after awhile they will sian de! ha! :) Smile smile! :)

[48]

once more.

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RESTLESS Monday

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HA! Indeed, I was damn high. Frankly speaking is restless ba... Tomorrow going to see doctor. Sian de lor. Hmm.. During material processing, I has been chit chatting... chattering... NON-STOP! Nick giving to yong rong...First name was uncle! Cause look at the picture!! Doesnt he looks like a uncle who always went to the coffeeshop and drink kopi!! LOL!

Then his name was then changed to yongrong先生 ---> yongrong小姐! Aswandy of course wont be left out too!! From the long nick that weikian gave, aswandy gay noob bin drop soap! LOL! THAT WAS WAY TOO LONG!!! So yueming gave him a name called... aswandy 小妹!!! LOL! Nice right????? Thanks to the pre-NS thingy, the guys keep talking about drop soap-ing... -.- Didnt know anything till I saw joel this morning and he told me.... -.- HA! So I will never want to join in the soapy family! PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! LOL! :D

Tomorrow sooon.... SIAN-ED! WTH! [>.<] Seeing doctor ... I wish to take medicine instead of going for acupuncture... Dont want, I'm afraid of that thin damn it needle... URGH! FINE. Complains shall end here [fullstop]

[39]

The chance just slipped through each time.

Yes, there's time I hate my sis... Ya, as if she wouldnt too... She just make me very disturbed, and I feel DAMN insecure lending things to her. Especially my laptop and ITOUCH!!!! Just bought it leh... A few days ago, battery went haywire once!!!! [>.<] She dont know how to care. HATE THE INSECURITY...
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Can I exchange anything for my health?

        
*SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSS!*

Yueming has decided to be a good girl and see a doctor on tuesday after school... :( To others it might not be a big deal... But to me, I muster up lots of courage before agreeing my mum to see a doctor... Acupuncture leh!!!! NO JOKE LEH! *Big sighs*

I thought it will heal after some days... But after today, it will be a week!!!! A week and it doesnt recover a single bit at all lor. :'( NOT FAIR! The amount that I walked is the same as anyone else, but why is it me that I have to restrict myself from my activities?? WHY??!?!!!?!?!

Sheena is right, I shouldnt blame myself. But I just want to flare out! haha! My motivation to recover fast fast is to look at one aim! I WANT TO RUN DURING THE AUGUST WALK A JOG!!!! But so hard to overcome the fear of... NEEDLES!!! DOCTORS! :S
[38]

Waiting for your encouragement. :(

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Trying trying still trying...

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(Which way? I have to choose one...)

HURRY! 19 DECEMBER! HURRY COME! I never meet my DO RE MI for quite some time le.. I hope I did not neglect them in some ways! I'm so sorry! I hope 19 December will be a blast! haha! Eh.. Was thinking of staying over, see how it goes ba! ha! AH GONG! SHEENA! I wish to let you all know that you all are my bestest friends! I love to be with you all! Standing by you girls really make me the most fortunate girl in the world! I hope we can enjoy ourselves on that day! YEAH! haha! HURRY HURRY! 5 MORE DAYS~

>GO AWAY! WHY EVERYTHING RELATED TO YOU KEPT FLASHING IN MY MIND? GET LOST.

>I rather you never spoke. Your words that come out from your mouth hurts me that you don't know.

>I have already lost myself because of you.

>Can leave some bit of myself for me? I still wish to remember what I used to be.

>Hate me, before you suffer. Don't feel that it is your fault, it isn't. Remember that is enough,.

You all should know yueming nowadays is in her lowest spirit ever, others is LLC (low life condition) while I guess for me is VLLC (VERY low life condition). Normally I will choose to have both ways, but I wish to choose one way for now! I want everything to be back to what it used to be... Back to the time... 030908. I will like to change everything, stop everything, and also control everything. If all these could be done, things will not get out of hand for now. I now starting to lose faith, suspecting my own capability and my own action. What I did for now is it right? I really have no single clue. Why I feel that I'm wrong? Or all along, I was being too sensitive? I hate the yueming NOW! Hate it to don't know which alien country! I hope she doesn't come back!! If she ever to come back, I'm so going to whack it to another alien country till it change to back to the old YUEMING!

I don't wish to be reminded. Shut the hell up!

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