SCARYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Yesterday was environmental science, dread that yesterday will come... Of course, it came evetually. Big sighs. LOL! Quite a number of classmates left due to fyp! LOL! My team left with 3 of us... LOL! NO FULL TEAM FOR ONCE! HAHA!

End lesson at 4pm... saw yongrong 小姐... He together with weikian the soapy lim did something stupid... They exchange their spec... And the highlight of it was... weikian's spec match with yongrong's shirt, while yongrong's spec match with weikian's shirt! LOL!

Sorry, camera sucks. LOL! I WANT TO CHANGE BACK MY PHONE!! [>.<]

Then walked back to cwp together with pearlyn, agnes, tiantian, yongji, yongrong, aswandy, weikian and simon.... :'( Going to toa payoh with agnes... simon trained with us! haha! We randomly talking about the reserved seat till there was a pregnant lady came in and simon quickly stand up from his reserved seat!! LOL! But then the lady alighted at the next stop, he just happily sit back... LOL!

Waited for my mum at toa payoh mac... -.- DAMN SIAN. :S Wanted to go home sooooooooooooooo badly... When my mum came, I just strolled around toa payoh while she ask around how to get there. LOL! But yueming too clever le, anyhow stroll also can stroll to the clinic... -.- Waiting was acceptable... decided to wait for my turn before having dinner, thanks to... you know who, who gave me POCKY!!!! DID A GREAT FAVOUR TO ME! Fortunately the clinic got wireless also.. Kept me entertained...

Ok... acupuncture HURTS! I ANGRY TO THOSE SAY NOT PAIN! HPMH! 3 NEEDLES LEH! [>.<] The needle poking into my flesh SUCKS TO THE MAX! I SWEAR! The 2nd needles almost made me break down. On the verge of crying le... But I think of sheena! haha! Thinking of her that she tio poke more needles than me... So I tahan-ed.. The bloody, thin and shiny needles stayed in my flesh for 15 minutes... Cause 1st time did that, the doctor dont want to scare me also! LOL! THAT 15 MINUTES WAS TERRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I couldnt relax for that period. While playing, I could feel the weirdness at my knee... :S Mummy thinks she funny, keep staring at my leg... I moved a little she niam me! [>.<] LIKE CCTV SIA!!!

After it was over, I FLY OUT! WAH! STILL ASK ME TO COME BCK NEXT WEEK! Eh... I scare. LOL! But... I think injection is MORE painful... no.. is the MOST painful de... Ha... Finally over. But my knee still the same leh... LOL! GO AWAY! I STILL WANT TO RUN ON AUGUST!

[41]

Detest you. dont come look for me when you feeling down again. YUEMING will not entertain. hpmh.

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What a tiring day. No school tomorrow, but nightmare is tomorrow.. NO! IS TODAY!

Is my daimoku enough for me to get over with this obstacle?

I know I should keep a positive thinking, but the bad feeling keep haunting me whenever I decide not to think about it... Thinking positive is not helping.

i want to get out of this situation soon.

i'm scared. seriously don't wish to let it happen that way. but what i can do to stop? nothing. but chant? how much is enough? i dont know. Don't want. I want to... URGH! I have been feeling so lazy to do my gongyo each days...

Today's meeting is too tiring for me! I'm tahan-ing every moments! I know once I cool down... It's hard to get the engine started again... Grasping for airs... Making full use of free time to rest.I'm on the edge of breaking down.. or breaking into twos.
Wanted to call for a break. But I don't think it's a good idea.

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Why is it always me? ME?

{I'm suffering. Who understands?}

No! Why you have to determine it when nothing is confirmed? I DON'T WANT! I don't want blood test, don't want to see a doctor so often and no medicine for me!!!! Medicine for life is last thing I want to commit. I seriously hope I'm perfectly fine...

The feeling of needle going through under my skin sucks.

The taste of chinese medicine going down to my throat sucks.

The thoughts of everything sucks.

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Go away.

{I'm no good.}

I'm afraid to be myself, I hate to be myself and I don't wish to be myself.

A moment of slient.

I need badly.

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I love all of you! Must stay by my side ok? please don't leave sliently without a word.

HA! I'm ok... After a restless night, I managed to doze off after tossing on my bed for 3 hours!!! I feel much better, somehow I was been brainwashed! Since yesterday everyone has been showering me with their concerns, and yueming is very glad about that! Always jealous of xiumin, as she always get concern from the others due to MIA! haha! I have my concerns from them too!! :)

But not this way, I guess. Because it's too hurtful to share what's going on, so must understand if I say, "EEE! can don't ask not. :(" Because yueming don't want to cry anymore, very sad when the negative thoughts come right into my mind.

Suppose to meet emily this morning to get laughing gas from her. But! I too tired and lazy, my mum is still at home at that time. She will nag at me, so decided to get it from her tomorrow!

Thank you ynez! She asked me to jiayou! haha! I will! :)

*抱抱*!
[Wondering if you could talk to me like yesterDAY, only that I could stop thinking all nasty thoughts.
And I watched finish the show. ]

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Why is it happens in this way, something that is unexpected...

Thank you for entertaining me from the time I woke up...

This afternoon when I woke up, my mum told me that my big aunt is not feeling well, she has heart failure. The doctor wanted to put a device in her heart, but they found out her don't know what is too hard to penetrate. If she doesn't has the device insert in her heart, she may pass away.

[Till 7pm, one whole "day"! It really helps me not to be sad.
Thank you, greatly appreciated!]

In my whole 19 years, I never had any relatives passed away. Perhaps only one uncle from my father's side, but that happened when I was young. Don't even know how he looks like. Da ah yi has been taking care and bought lots of thing for me when I was small, can consider my 2nd closest relatives...

Everytime I heard from my friend's experience, you can say I selfish or whatever... I don't want to be the next one to share this experience with someone. Seriously, It SUCKS to the CORE!!!

My mum told me I cried, I DON'T WANT IT TO HAPPEN THAT WAY!!!! And I'm not GOING TO LET THAT HAPPEN! Just by typing "passed away" or thinking of it, I can feel tears in my eyes. I don't want to think anymore...

Should I go see her tomorrow? But what if I cry in front of her? :'(

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SINGAPORE FLYER!

(FLYER AT NIGHT!)

Wah! Happy to the MAX! I don't miss my laughters, but I miss my sem 2 classy's laughters! Omg! How long ago we laughed together as a class, or perhap you never really had the chance to really laughed out loud as a whole and not alone... Even though adam was with us, never feel as pissed off as before. Maybe I have Ynez, emily, angie and Silvia with me! It sure makes a BIG difference!

We trained to city hall, sad to the MAX! People like fatin, geshy and YANGYI! Never join us... fatin because of parents anniversary, geshy ps us for… GIRLS! yangyi… going home for banana. :P We were seated down, but on the seats but floor since we board the new kind of train. Then meet Silvia at city hall! Off we go! With the spirit of e35c, we happy happy and reach at the flyer safely and 'PEACEFULLY'!

We like a bunch of tourists, taking pictures and video when we were at the entrance of the flyer! DAMN COOL~! But then! I admit that I feel a bit scared when I reached there... The feeling of being there for the 1st time was damn funny! Especially when I don’t know where to tap the card, which directions everything and everything… Because the flyer will not stop for you to alight, so we really have to be a little faster if not we can’t enter the same wheel together.

Then before us was an ang moh! Haha! friendly to the MAX! waved at us and we also waved back! The whole journey inside the wheel was damn funny, when adam keep saying ugine that he “sissypox”! haha! Then ynez also! I thought I will be the most frightened person, but it turn out to be “somebodies”! some of us still run around sia! I’m sure all these acts can really be captured through the camera inside in the wheel!

POPEYES! Our dinner, actually didn’t want to have dinner there de. But then no choice… a bit hungry, so yar… haha! YUEMING CAN’T STAND MORE THAN ONE TEMPTATION A DAY! First is pokey, then ice cream then is POPEYES! Haha! but anyway, tomorrow going to see doctor!

In popeyes, laughters, fun, and jokes were really going on NON-STOP! But sad is that ynez lost her len! SMILE GIRL! Went back to the shop to change danny’s souvenir, then pictures as we walked back…

Train-ed home… everyone except that skinny bushed bastard… SMILE EMILY! Don’t angry… angry later look older, cannot. Haha! xian! Missed my rj’s submission time has to email my faci. 1ST TIME SIA!

My "first time" has been given to E35C! for the flyer trip! with: Angie, adam he there not there no difference, emily, danny, jeremy, silvia, ugine and ynez! THANK YOU GIRLS AND BOYS! I really had lots of fun! ENJOY-ED MYSELF TO THE MAX MAX MAX! Let's try not to let our laughters and joys fade away!!! :) Really very happy...

(The sticker proves that I did go for school when the ticket and the tag thingy shows that I WENT FLYER BEFORE!)
###
Never go home with ah gong and sheena! SORRY! but I will continue to see you all in the morning to school! JIAYOU!
###
OH YA! LOTS OF PICTURES! and video will be out tomorrow or soon... once I take the photos from ynez and transfering the video into my computer... :D

HEY YOU! not u -.- never reply my msg, something must be happened I guess, or you have something hiding from me! you so going to let me know by tomorrow!

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Smallgirl starting to ... don't know how to say.

Shall not grumble or complain. But I felt better when I received my FIRST GRADE! even though it was not a 'A' but at least I have a 'B'! For first day! Maybe if I ask a question, I may promote to 'A'. But smallgirl has no habit of asking questions.. good questions... but.. only LAME question. Yeah... I really can do better next time? My spirit dropped to the lowest after today's lesson. Miss ah gong all of the sudden... Even though we can't see each other for 2 days. *sobsss* I have a feeling that I may go back to 'those days'.. I DON'T WANT!!! CONTROL! once start I can't stop. YUEMING: Start believing that you will be better!

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Sensei video was damn cool~ and funny!

Yueming now running out of ideas... First I did newspaper article, then diary... after that... leaflet? Or comic style of presenting? That will need lots of pictures! I guess I still stick back to the normal way...

Good girl today did lots of thing!
- Woke up at 11am
- help mother to hang the clothes
- after that did my homework
- tuition for 2 hours
- after that dinner-ed at 6pm
- Make my way with mother to tampines at 6.30pm
- Reached there 8 plus

Don't know our way there, mother's memory failing... Normally is she leads the way... Now is me... It was like the blind leading a blind... Uncle benny and nicholas already reached liao. But we were just in time for the video. Sensei was very humourous! He damn cute sia! He treats everyone very well, and kept thanking everyone for their efforts, everything and everything! *Look up to him*!

After the video was encouragement, talking about another association trying to mislead our members into joining their "evil" path! BAD PEOPLE! So free do this kind of thing, why not use the time go chant! MORE USEFUL lor. chey.

Then the uncle also shared that the "voice" we used also important, wrong using of "voice" will result in your victory or defeat. He says something like if you raise your voice at someone, your good fortune will be erased away! Gossiping too. OMG! Then I everytime say benjamin! Then all the good fortunes I had are gone? Benjamin... I HATE YOU! If can't gossip... there's no life! haha! ok la, I will try to cut down on everything about that!

After the whole meeting, went to toilet. Finally get to see ah pek and nicholas. Ah pek first sentence when he saw me, "everytime see you have sweet in your mouth." chey! Even before I could introduce my mother to them, she already chiong out, don't know rushing for what... aunty mah.. that's what I said to myself.

When I train-ed home and changing train to the other side, got this two ladies damn %$%!@&, never let us get out first, keep charging towards me! I unknowingly said, "cannot wait for people to alight first arh!" Sorry, I really don't know why I suddenly like that said. Good fortune fly again! *sob*

Home sweet home...

Sunday is a really frightening day! Morning having dmk at TBSC, die die have to go... cause I promised meihui liao. After that around 2pm has to be at ica with jinsi for the brass brand recruitment! or audition! OMG! So scary.. so long never play trumpet, NERVOUS to the MAX!!! Then school starting the next day!!!! OH man... awww... I wish for more holidays! NO! I wish I already finished my studies in RP!!!

Never talked to my younger sister for .. 3 days! or 4 days? Can't remember... But this is much more interesting than I expected!

I wish for more time... I'm scared. Why you don't believe me! Do I look daring to you? If only I am.

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F.E.A.R

Time now is: 1.01AM
Omg... haha! You all must be thinking I'm retarded, but then I have been watching horror show consecutively for the last one week... Scare that I suffered from depression! Cause you know you will imagine things yourself, ya... but! I will chant more! for myself! to become braver! YES! haha! You shall wait and see... I hope you all will not wait too long! OFF TO MY LALA LAND!

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