But who knows the evilish function came and shattered my peace... It's all started with a unwashed bowl, I do know that I have to wash each bowl I used. And soaking my bowl in the basin with stubborn stains is wrong? I really was so mad, my mum can tell me that I HAVE TO WASH MY BOWL. I don't hear you telling this to my big sis at all, and that day was not your first time telling me when you did accused me of not doing so when I have done mine. You did it again. What's wrong? You can just leave the unwanted macdonald cup on the dining table without saying to my big sis YOU HAVE TO THROW YOUR RUBBISH AWAY. You kept quiet. Once in a million year, my big sis did housework by cleaning up the storeroom, your face was covered by your fattest smile that I hardly see when I did housework for the whole house.
You shared with me how touched you were when she offered her CPF for little Sis's education, but you did not remember how you restrain my resources I needed for my education and I turned out to be extremely sensitive to money.
I admit that I'm very sensitive with money, but it's all the outcome of what I went through. $1.20 daily during primary school and I still have savings, but my savings turned out to be a regular loan to my father. In poly, when I needed more support. Both my parents either turned them back or they pushed here and there to bear the cost. I do not like asking anyone of you for money at all. My father most of the time will never give me willingly and my mum will go WHEN PAPA RECEIVE SALARY MUST TAKE FROM HIM AND RETURN TO ME. I asked the money to return to you, what about me? Did I asked for money to get things I want instead of needs? And ended up I have to use my own savings. All these are bullshit. Why bother to send me to school then? Just tell me to work.
Now, my parents are so willingly giving my little sis for school expenses. The best part was that my father even asked my sis if she has enough to use. Seriously, don't blame me for comparing. It's just happened that I wasn't the only child. I'm trapped in that kind of childhood, it's so hard to break the shell.
And yes, to others it may seems that I'm making a big fuss. But you are so wrong, all these are accumulated from the past few years in my life. All those little unhappiness I had towards the family had built up over the years, those unfairness I seen, and seeing what I had. It's really saddening as it does not tally the input of my efforts to the output from what I deserve. The amount of sweat I put in by taking the initiative to do cleaning, I believed it total up the cleaning done by my both sisters. All these years never did I complained or emphasised, since we are family. But at least you do not cover up my efforts just simply so.
Did you even know how angry and unfair I felt that day to the extent that I did not know how to appease myself until I faced the wall and smacked it for like 5 times? And it was extremely terrible when my tears did not stop flowing the whole day and night, my eyes turned so puffy and I couldn't wear my lens.
I have to wear a fake smile during work, after work I really dread going back home. It's no longer a place where I can rest but somewhere which I could no longer want to stay put for a second.
It has been like 3 days, and my family did not noticed the bruise on my hand. This must be a sign of which my wall is excellence in sound proofing when I did the smacking.
Be it this is the cause of being the middle child or over sensitive, do consider that I'm a human too. I have feelings like anyone do, I'm a good child does not imply that I have no temper or whatsoever. I did not say anything do not take it as I accept it, it just that I do not want to spoilt your mood and get very argumentative. Just "don't take me for granted!"
I'm your child too!!!!!! Can you all pay attention to me tooo??? Don't only pay attention to me when I'm injured. Even if I'm good, can you all still pay attention to me? Attention for good will... I'm a child with parents, don't make it like as if I have none. Devastated.
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