There’s a lot going on since last year, beside the infamous COVID, I have an arising concern among one of my cliques. We only knew the concern last year, kinda looked like we are a bunched of failures who failed to notice how one of us is struggling. I felt disappointed with myself, not knowing what’s going on. I thought it was something like a passing rain, it will go away after some time. The only thing I did was to look at Sensei’s books and found one which seems to be encouraging. I tagged on some of my own encounters & messages hoping it helped somehow. We didn’t seriously discussed among us, perhaps we have mutual understanding in silence that we continue as normal and not to give any special attention. I dug out my books and tried to understand more about it.
After knowing more, it came to me that it wasn’t so simple to pull off. A challenge in the long run. Very much wanted to help, I don’t know where to continue... Nowadays, I tried to remind myself not to over speak myself in case I put you in an uncomfortable situation. No matter what I’m trying to do cannot atone to what I have said in the past, blunt remark from me actually scarred you... adding on to your sadness. It’s a casual remark, yet so powerful enough for you to remember for years. To me, I seriously felt my remark was equivalent to saying I’m pimple faced... It wasn’t the case, I was wrong, I hurt someone with my words even though I really meant no ill intention... If only I knew earlier, will it be better for you?
Wanted to tell you, yet I’m afraid to, 真的对不起。 Forgiving me is a difficult task for you, am supposed to help. Maybe too afraid to even smile with your presence, cause you are suffering partly because of me, how can I be happy. 无心的话也能成为尖锐的武器，不小心就被它割到。我希望你能再开心起来，我想我可能要给自己时间，现在的我没勇气面对你。对不起！
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