06 March 2022

[Unappreciative] I want to break away...


 Another 1 more month, Leech is jobless for a year. A few months ago, my mum tried to tell me Leech cried when she asked her why put bread in e fridge. Cause she’s eating it alone and she can’t finished it before it expired, she had money running low. My mum even offered not to give her $200 anymore. All these while, even if she gave my mum the money, it didn’t give us for the utility expenses... My younger sis & I paid for it, gas fee too... And yet Leech still can buy new pots.... 

My mum didn’t even bother... she just take us for granted. My sis now taking up courses as she is hoping to change her career line, didn’t even asked if she has any problem with playing expenses and giving her money. In fact, she asked my sis after the course will get a job immediately or? Seriously. 

I really hated her for taking it like as if it was nothing. She can be so calculative when I was in my student life, always asked me to return her money for my transportation after I collected it from my father. Even made me promised her I will return her. I always had to see my father’s black face whenever I asked him for money. Until my final year in poly, I decided to use my saving without asking my mum for my school expenses. I used to feel very unfair for myself, my younger sis has no such problem, in fact my father even asked her if she has enough money for her school. But I told myself, because she was lucky for being the youngest, she has the good fortune. I’m not... I truly thankful to my secondary school friend, Kenny who introduced me a job with CapitaLand, at least I worked after my O level. Saved some money... and my comrade, Huimin for introducing every jobs I had so far. I couldn’t stopped working, without income I felt insecure.

Can’t wait for another 3 years, I really want to move out. I believe my sis and I truly deserve to be happier... we do not have to stay in a family to be happy. Sometimes staying together forcefully will only bring more suffering to each other, for what? What purpose... 

Even if I get married one day or not, I want my sis to be with me. She needs her own space too, without having thoughtless people around her.

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Reminiscent Corner:

Jiejie, I will miss you dearly.
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I hope you forgive me, didn't fulfill your "wish". I'm very very sorry.
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You are the best aunty I ever had. Please look over mummy, she really misses you!
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Grandma (Cheng Tng), thank you for staying so long with papa. I will miss you. Please look over papa from where you are.
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Big uncle (Toh Ching Choy), you must be a wonderful person that my father adores. Please be happy and healthy in your next phase of life.
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Sensei (Mr Daisaku Ikeda), you have taught me what is faith, life and humanity (& more). I will continue sending you daimoku no matter how aching my inner self feels.
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